Donald Trump is literally making the world a bad place to live at the moment. When he’s not handing out executive orders like şeker at Bayram, he’s tweeting inappropriate tweets faster than a Turk eating a Lahmacun.

Like everyone around the world, it got me thinking of a solution and then last night while I was binge watching Karadayi on netflix I hit a light bulb moment – he needs to go and live in a Turkish village for a month.

4 weeks with a Nene in the village would sort him right out. All he needs is someone to tell him off when he needs it so here are 5 lessons Donald Trump could learn living in a Turkish Village.

1. Manners
Nothing makes you respect your fellow man and woman than living in the village. Just try being rude to someone and watch how that news will spread faster than you can say ‘Kolonya’.

Living in a Turkish village teaches you that you need to be respectful to everyone because it could come back to bite you on the göt.

Treating others badly has repercussions – usually the business end of Nene’s Oklava. Yes we all want to talk about Perihan abla the village gossiper, but we don’t. Instead we make her kahve and listen to her gossip about Mustafa beyi and his gambling problems. You know why? Because we have manners.

Just try saying something bad about someone and see the death stare from your Dede across the room as he gets his terlik ready to give you the beats you truly deserve.

2. Hard work
Not saying Trump isn’t a hard worker. He’s a gazzillionaire and I’m sure that took hard work. But somewhere along his journey he has lost his way. Send him back to the village to live with my Nene and he’ll know the true meaning of hard work.

If you’re not helping pick limon from the tree using an old chair that can barely hold a karpuz, your delivering left over çorba to Emine hanim because she heard your Nene was making some and she has a new made up illness she heard about on TV.

Give trump a day cleaning out the chicken coup and I’m sure he’ll understand the value of life. Nothing says hard work than building a relationship with a chicken only to find it cooked at the dinner table at Bayram.

Donald Trump. Source: Amerikali Turk

3. Respect
This is probably the biggest lesson you learn from the village. We (and yes we are Muslims Trump) are raised to respect everyone, especially our elders and those less fortunate.

As soon as someone in the köy is unwell, we all band together and help that person. When we see Fatma Yenge carrying her shopping, we stop what we are doing and carry her bags. Even though we know she only has a back ache because Elif Hala said she has one and Fatma yenge likes to be on trend with all the latest illnesses.

When Osman Dayi’s car breaks down, we drop him to the supermarket even though we warned him that making his own oil was a bad idea.

Why? Because that’s what we do as Muslims and as decent human beings.

We don’t just think about ourselves.

4. What Muslims are really like
Something he would learn is that being a Muslim is all about peace. The mosque in a village is a focal point of the community. The call to prayer playing out is a much a part of the village as the bricks and people.

Being Turkish is something I am proud of. Yes I’ve been known to have a cheeky glass of Raki every now and then, but we are raised to love one another, welcome those who are in need of help.

I’ve always been taught to help others in need, respect everyone and never judge someone without getting to know them.

Let’s see if he even knows how to clean himself.

5. How not to be a cock
Maybe if he stayed for a month the only cock he would be waking up to is ‘Mehmetcik’, the cockerel I became friends with when I was in the village….. Until I ate him for dinner **holds back the tears**.

So Donald Trump, I hereby invite you to book yourself a Pegasus flight and meet me at the airport. I’ll be there with the family to welcome you.

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Turkish Isms

I've been Turkish for as long as I can remember so wanted to share my journey of comical memes, videos, and observations I have made through my journey from a young Turkish boy getting his privates snipped, all the way to a grown man getting dayak from his nene.